DAY 140: Victor or Victim, you choose......

Sometimes crappy things happen to good people for no reason. I've always felt that there had to be a reason why things happen to me and, for me, finding that reason seems to work for me. But, sometimes....just sometimes, there are no answers.

• Why does a genuinely good person get terminally incurable cancer?
• Why do babies die prematurely with no medical reason why that happened?
• Why do teenagers get cut down in their prime through no fault of their own?
• Why do some people have the golden touch and everything seems to fall into place for them and not for others?
• Why do storms/tsunamis/hurricanes decimate innocent people's lives?

I've had my share of 'ikk' moments in my life, a lot of them I've brought on myself, some I haven't. However, when I look around me, I feel genuinely blessed - up to this point - that my life has been as interesting and eventful as it's been.

I look back (because I am an extremely reflective person) and all the things I've experienced and had in my life have all been lessons for me to learn. I can see that now. It's how I visualise or choose to perceive those moments and experiences that determine how I look at my present and future.

When things happen to us, my opinion is that we have choices. You can either choose to accept the event, deal with it and move on ..... or you can choose to fall in a heap, become a victim to it and then play the victim from that point on. I've done that, I have to admit.

A large part of my life was spent feeling sorry for myself when things got rough -  blaming others (I was particularly good at this), lying in a foetal position, waiting for someone to ride up on the proverbial white horse and rescue me and generally being a victim. Until.....

My divorce. I got into some self-development at that point because my old coping mechanisms were not helping me at all. I did all the normal soul-searching and the WHYing and WHY MEing? After some very deep thought processes which took about 18 months all up, to be honest, I came out of it a very different person.

I took ownership of my part to play in the downfall of my marriage, which was 50%. Nothing more, nothing less. I forgave my ex-husband for his part and then went on this very long road to forgiving myself. I discovered I had a lot to forgive. I wasn't the perfect wife and partner that I thought I was. SURPRISE!!

I read a lot....My God, did I read??!!!! Layers fell off, like old transparent onion layers. They came off and this new more positive person replaced those old, tired, antiquated thoughts.

Now, let me say that I still have very challenging moments. Last week was no exception.  Those old ways of thinking sometimes surface, as old habits are wont to do, and I have to harness them, tie them in an old hessian bag in my mind and kick them out to the Universe where they can't do any more harm.

Victor or Victim, people .... choose. When your life presents you with something that splinters shards of jagged glass to your core? Do you cringe, fall into a heep and bleed to death or do you sit quietly, accept the temporary pain you're in and pick each and every one of those shards out? YOU CHOOSE.

I've learned that the more I play the victim, the more these things seem to happen to me. But, like all bullies, the minute I stood up to it and said NO MORE, it stopped happening.

What books did I read? I can't remember them all but the most memorable and inspirational ones that I've bought(or been given) and kept are:

• Self Matters: Creating Your Life From the Inside Out - Dr Phil McGraw (BRILLIANT!!)
• The Secret - Rhonda Byrne
• The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living - His Holiness the Dalai Lama
• Laughter, Sex, Vegetables and Fish: Dr John Tickell
• The Magic of Thinking Big - David J. Schwartz

I've read so many others but these books gave me so much food for thought that made sense and, more importantly, when put to practice - worked!!

The other thing I do which keeps me in the positive zone is read biographies of inspirational people like Lance Armstrong, Janine Shepherd, Maya Angelou and the list goes on. It teaches you that nothing comes easy in life and that "gifted" or "charmed" people aren't gifted or charmed at all, they've worked very hard to get what they want and stayed focussed on their goals.