DAY 91: Lists

I'm a firm believer in making lists. Well, to be more precise, not just making them and forgetting about them - making them and ticking them off as you achieve each goal on that list.

I've been making lists for a while now. Not just grocery lists, although they can very helpful as I am prone to stocking up on items unnecessarily because somewhere in my puny head, there's a voice saying "We need more carrots" when there is enough in my fridge to put the Fred Hollows Foundation out of business. (Go look up Fred Hollows and read about this exemplary Australian - he's passed away now but his foundation lives on).

Anyway, I find making lists handy and helpful. I make them in three categories, mainly. The short-term goals which are things I want to achieve within the next 12 months. The medium-term goals are the things I want to achieve within the next 5 years and the long-term goals are things that I want to tick off on my death-bed as having being done! TICK!

The BEST thing about goals is revisiting them at regular intervals to make sure that you're on track and, if not, then what you need to do to get back on track. I actually have my goals in an Excel spreadsheet with 3 monthly interval  columns that I complete to show progress....or what I've done to make progress.

My goals are also divided up into several categories (Has she got way too much time on her hands?, I hear you ask yourself? Quite the contrary hence the need to make lists). So, these categories are divided up into Career, Family, Personal, Health, Financial and Community (because it's NOT always all about you, you know!!)

What do I get out of this? I enjoy - genuinely enjoy - ticking off the things I have promised myself I would do. Not all of them are pleasant or easy. In fact, the more unpleasant and difficult they are, the better the sense of fulfilment and achievement I have. It's like I've licked the beast and I've shown them who's boss.

It's also an amazing tool to help build your own self-concept and your self-esteem. It's the proverbial mirror that you hold up to yourself and there's nothing quite like some positive monologues to help keep you happy and positive and moving forward.

It's proof, isn't it? It's proof that what you set out to achieve can actually be achieved ....by none other than YOU!!

DAY 86: My Dad and Good Friday

Talking about my parents is a very personal thing and I've talked about all the things that make me happy and all the various things that I'm grateful for and you might wonder why my parents haven't featured earlier than this post. It's because it's a very emotional subject for me and I HAVE attempted this post many, many, many times and I usually end up so emotionally wrung out that I never post it. After all, some things are just too personal.

However, I'm ready today because tomorrow is Good Friday. Good Friday is the one and only day of the year that I go to church and I go there specifically to share a special moment with my Dad. It's something we started about 11 years ago and it has remained a tradition.

My Dad and I attend the Stations of The Cross Mass. It's very special to him and because my Dad is so very special to me, I go to be with him and share a moment that is ours and ours alone.

I usually go a little early to save us both a front row seat because my Dad would prefer to have a front row seat. The whole Mass runs the gamut of every emotion you could possibly feel, no matter what your religious persuasion is. For the record, this is a Catholic Mass at our local Parish and they do a magnificent job of it.

Anyway, I like to go save my Dad a seat and wait until he's parked his car and sauntered down the footpath, twisting and turning and keeping my eye out for him and then waving inappropriately vivaciously (for what is meant to be a sombre Mass) when I see him to let him know where we're seated this year.

The Mass is highly emotional, as I said, as it depicts the Crucifixion of Jesus. For those who Believe, it is a very powerful Mass. Although I am no longer religious, I respect that other people are and my beautiful Dad is one of those people.

So we go through the Mass and while my Dad is engrossed in the service, I watch the congregation. The old, the young, the inbetweeners who aren't old enough yet to make their own choices so they have to come with their families anyway. I watch the public displays of devotion and it is a very touching thing to experience. To watch people demonstrate their faith, to hear all the on-key and mostly off-key voices join together in hymn to test the Good Lord's forgiveness, to hear babies crying to the point where one parent has to exit the church (and please do because it jars my spinal chord as well as my Dad's) as inconspicuously as they can with an uncontrollably screaming baby tucked under their arm, to hear the priest deliver his message in the hope that it hasn't fallen on deaf ears. Sometimes the messages are really poignant and the basis lies more with being spiritually good than with being religiously good and I always enjoy those. They're about laying the foundation of community and unselfish behaviour in these modern times. At times, I have to admit that the whole Catholic repenting guilt thing gets to me and I switch off but that's for another blog entry. This one is about my Dad.

My Dad listens intently with his head tilted to the roof of the church, as if he's looking for cracks (there are NO cracks in the roof of our church, okay?), and he nods to himself in a slow rocking motion at ad hoc moments, as if acknowledging the priest's message like a wise old man who had already arrived at this conclusion long ago in his own life. Then he looks at the floor to digest the sermon, rolls the prayer booklet up to the point of no redemption and, after a little contemplation, directs his vision back up to the roof as if he's looking for proof that Divine Intervention filled those imaginary cracks while he was busy looking at the floor. This is how my Dad ingests the Mass.

This ritual hasn't changed in 11 years. It sometimes gets to the point where even I am tempted to look at the roof but I know that if I do, the entire congregation will look up there too because, let's face it, no-one likes to miss out. So for the sake of the entire congregation, I resist the inclination and choose to, instead, roll my prayer book up tighter than a pirate's telescope.

Then we get to the point in the Mass that brings us to the point that bonds my Dad and me - the point where the choir sits down and two vocal angels sing Pie Jesu a capella. I CANNOT, no matter how hard I try, remain dry-eyed through this performance. Every year, I get all teary-eyed and hold my Dad's hand or arm. It's our moment. (Except last year when they didn't sing it and we felt very ripped off.).

At the end of the Mass, Dad goes home and I go back to my home in a quiet satisfaction that we have, indeed, had our special exclusive moment that will always remain ours. I come away feeling full in my heart....bursting full. I feel calm and cleansed and ready to take my life back and live it to the best of my ability.

We've had our moments in the past, my Dad and I. We've clashed heads and battled swords.....we've stood in our respective stubborn corners refusing to move. That is part of our past and it's part of our DNA. Things have certainly changed and come a long way since those days.

But this part of our relationship will stay with me longer than the 1.5 hours that the Mass goes for, longer than the 11 years that we've attended it. It will stay with me, deep in that place in my heart that is reserved for only the most special memories.

Now I wasn't going to go tomorrow as Grant isn't 100% after having minor surgery today and I wasn't comfortable leaving him at home alone. But he and my Mum reminded me just how special this annual ritual is, to my Dad and to me.....and so for yet another 1.5 hours, I'm going to church tomorrow to share a special moment with my Dad.....and I'm very happy about that.

DAY 78: Uncontrollable Laughter

So I'm sitting on the train today, on my way home, and I was sitting between two Uni students. No big deal. One was playing a game on his iPhone and the other was listening to music on his iPod. They both looked very quiet, conservative, geeky IT scientific boys (not unlike the beautiful boy I have now married).

The train is a Lilydale Express but I now realise they don't know that. Not sure where they hailed from but they were Swinburne Uni students and obviously needed to get to Glenferrie station.

(laughing as I type this).....and that precise moment when they both looked up in shock and amazement as the train flew past Glenferrie Station was magic. Student A says "Farrrrk! There goes our station". Student B says "That's okay, we'll just get off at Camberwell and catch the train back", looks back down at his iPod and resumes his game.

And the train kept rocketing forward. So the two guys got up and went to the door to prepare to get off at Camberwell station......and Camberwell station came.....and Camberwell station went by in a blur of bricks and passengers on the platform....(laughing laughing).

Student A: AAAAAAAAARGH!!!! WHAT THE???? - looks at his mate -
Student B: Looks back at his mate and then back out of the door then back at his mate then back out the door.
Student A, in an agitatedly excited voice; We're going to effing Box Hill!! We're not going to our lecture!! We're effing well going to effing Box Hill, which is where our lecture IS NOT going to be.
Student B: *blink blink* "Fark man"

I have tears of stifled laughter welling up in my eyes and I just just remember that my Estee Lauder Magnascopic Mascara is NOT waterproof, so I dive into my backpack because the laughter is leaking out in bursts and spurts that is threatening to shoot out of my nostrils and that's gonna get ugly.

Box Hill finally arrives and the train eventually stops. Both students alight from the train like two hostages from a bank and the whole carriage erupts with laughter.

I have had a good day.

 Disclaimer: I HAVE, in a previous blog, put out this disclaimer that I have an innate ability to find the silly misfortunes of othes extremely funny. I don't mean to be hurtful so if you find me laughing at you, please avoid the urge to act out your violent thoughts on me. I can't help it!

DAY 77: Staying Focussed

You know all this talk about being grateful and happy? It's all well and good, right? I BELIEVE it therefore I stick with it. But I have other goals that are sometimes not that easy to stick to.....or, being the shooting star that I am, I come in all blazes and glory and peter out as momentum slows down.

So, how do you remain focussed once you've decided to step onto the path of continuous improvement?

Here's what I'm doing:

THIS very blog reminds me on daily basis what it is I'm trying to achieve. It's not JUST about being happy and grateful. I DO have a purpose in mind. Being so public about it means I can't slip up either, right? Hehehehe.....

I have printed out reminders and whacked them on the fridge, at work, on my iPhone, on Facebook and everywhere else I visit often. I don't REALLY need reminding but it's nice to read the reminders, just in case.

My internal dialogue has also changed. I'm not buying into any negative sentiments and, when you don't feed those nasty urchins, they die a natural death.

I have distanced myself from negative thinking people and aligned (or started aligning) myself with "CAN DO, WANNA DO, AM DOING" kinda folks. Their language is different. Their behaviour is different. Their sense of being is different. It's almost like their pathology is different. Hehehe. They're contagious and inspiring and uplifting. Sounding religious yet?

I READ at least one positive, motivating thought/article/page every single day.

Focus can often be seen as hard work but it doesn't have to be that way. Plan your time to do something totally different, to revitalize you and to leave you free to hear the clues your intuition is giving you. Listen to your intuition for feedback about being focused and appreciate the need for feedback from others. Be open to receive feedback as encouragement and clarification. Accept that being focused is a journey and keep learning and practising along the way.

I think it's great that a photographer is talking about focus.....thought I'd throw that in. 

DAY 76: Maintaining Kaizen

"WHAT THE F...LYING HUCK IS KAIZEN ?" I hear you ask..... Kaizen is a Japanese word which, in English, most closely translates to "Continuous Improvement."

The most important aspect of staying enthusiastic during your pursuit of continuous improvement is your interest level - your attitude. In saying that, I admit that it can sometimes be difficult to try and maintain a happy happy joy joy when the trials of everyday life can get you down. However, I've found that, like physical exercise can actually give you more energy, which sounds like a paradox, positive mental exercise can likewise make you feel happier.

You know how Peter Pan tells Wendy to "think happy thoughts" and that will help her fly? IT WORKS!!

I started to dissect the meaning behind negative things when they happen ie. WHY did this happen? WHAT is the lesson that I have to learn from this? And it kept me from brooding on how I felt.

Everything, every thing that happens, happens for a reason. I believe that there are messages in life and like a pinball, you'll bounce from one lesson to another to guide you to a better place, a better life, a better job, a better relationship. If you fail to learn the lesson, the message is going to persist  and persist, like a recidivist (I LOVE that word) and get stronger and stronger until you have no other choice but to LEARN by coerce. *laughing*.

If we learn from life's lessons, we IMPROVE and THAT is Kaizen..... the continuous activity of improving.

Or is that evolution?

Day Today: No More Excuses

It has occurred to me that some of us spend an awful lot of time justifying why we can't do things and make excuses for why goals can't be achieved so much so that we set ourselves up for failure right from the onset and then perpetuate the lie we've told ourselves after that.

"I couldn't do that because.....(insert blame here)"
"I would have done it but I couldn't because .....(insert lame excuse here)"
"I wasn't taught to do that so erego I can't do it"

......and on and on it goes. And folks? I'm a huge culprit of that silly blame game from time to time. I make excuses about why I can't/couldn't/didn't instead of finding the plethora of reasons for why I could or why I can. It seems easier to buffet yourself with plausible excuses so that you don't have to step up to the plate and give it a bash.

Is actual failure the unsuccesful attempt or is it not having the courage to make the attempt at all?

So I had a good look around me and realised that those that ARE doing it are the ones who don't let failure walk all over them. They step up to the plate with courage and a little bit of conviction and I admire those people. I really do. It's contagious when you're around them. They rarely complain - they just get up and do.

So, from today folks, no more excuses. No more "it's because' and "the software didn't work properly". No more blame. No more excuses.

I feel so much stronger internally KNOWing that I can......and I will. Just because it's hard, doesn't mean I can't do it, just means it might take me a little longer, that's all.

I'm all smiles now. I am grateful - TRULY grateful for the revelation that just because others may not have faith in you or, worse, you may not have the faith in yourself, doesn't mean that's the truth.

No More Excuses = N.M.E. It is the enemy.....no more excuses.

Day Whatever It Is: Believing in Happiness

At my very core, I believe in the State of Happiness and I like to visit it whenever I can. Life, being what it is sometimes, takes me down detours and bumpy roads with unpredictable speed humps and I've admitted to having those black days when, no matter what I say or do, the cloud is too heavy to lift. Or so it seems.

However me being who I am, I get bored being sad and depressed because it is not my normal state of being and I usually snap out of it which could earn me the title of being Bi-Polar. Labels....*pfffft*...

But when I am feeling HAPPY, I feel invincible and free and limitless. I feel alive and grateful that I have everything and everyone in my life that I already have. I don't long or yearn for anything and there are no voids. Wouldn't it be FABULOUS to live every day like that?

I've come to realise this:

The things that come most quickly into your life are the things that you BELIEVE in the most. You can only bring to you what you BELIEVE. so you must BELIEVE to receive what you want.

Not my statement but I BELIEVE in it. I have wished all the things that bring me happiness into my life by the bucket load and, let me tell you, a truck has backed into my life and dumped a mega tonne of it.

Oh, let me shed some reality light .... there are areas that still need light in my life but when you refocus, you see all the bright things instead of all the shade.

You gotta have rain with sunshine to make a rainbow, right? I have rainy days but, more and more these days, I have sunny ones - BRIGHT, GLORIOUS, MAGICAL sunny days.

I think it's up to you. You CHOOSE whether you enjoy being miserable or whether you enjoy being HAPPY and you decide what your currency is to make all this happen.

When I'm feeling miserable, I ask myself "What are you getting out of this? There seem to be a prize for being and feeling sh1tty and you seem to want to win it today. So what is it?' If I can't come up with any reasonable answer, then I know that it's the game I play with myself. The martyr/victim game and it perpetuates itself. It feeds off itself like a parasite and when you allow it to do that, you give it power.

I'm way too much of a control freak to allow a non-entity to control my moods and, more importantly, my entitlement to happiness and that attitude usually stops it fast in its tracks.


"It's better to light a candle than to curse the darkness".