DAY CATCH UP: Perspective

I've caught up with some friends recently, one I haven't seen in over 5 years and the other more like 5 months.

One is an old and treasured school friend. Now after my divorce, I left my past behind and didn't feel the need or requirement to revisit it. I had a new canvas to paint a new soul on and that's what I did. So meeting up with Yvonne was quite a risk for me. It meant that I was going to have to revisit the past and open up old boxes of memories that were  better left there - they didn't gel with who I am now.

So today is the day after that visit and how peeled fresh and alive do I feel after being in her company? Sure, we reminisced and it was lovely, really lovely. Last night's canvas was not a stocktake of who has done better than whom or who has the most toys or whose balance sheet had more commas in it.

Yvonne thinks differently to most people. A highly accomplished academic, she didn't give a hoot where I lived, how much I earned or what brand labels I wore. We talked about the things that really matter and uncovered all the things about our respective lives that we were clueless about. Lemme tell you, folks, if you get the chance to indulge in genuinely open-hearted banter about life, the universe and the merits of brushing your teeth twice a day, then do it.

Note: you can't always do this with everyone that crosses your path. Genuinity is a rare thing because so many people are trying to fake it until they make it nowadays. But last night, I was taken back to a friendship that I valued in my teens and, with life's experiences and good ole fashioned emotional evolution, I enjoyed a wonderful night free from all the bullsh1t of a competitive school reunion. It felt like sitting on a banana lounge on a beach with a lifelong friend, watching shooting stars and sipping margueritas. Ole!

Which brings me to Caitlin, who generously met me at Northland this evening to see my photo with my Mum, Gee and me. Cait used to live close by and play badminton with me but she moved and we stopped playing badminton (not in that order). It was SO good to see her again! Here again, is a no nonsense friend who tells it like it is. She would definitely tell me that my skirt was tucked up into my undies but then have a hearty laugh at me too. Cait is loyal to a tee and I LOVE that about her. She's brutally honest which you either love or hate and I LOVE it.

I appreciate Cait's loyalty and that we share the private things about our lives together and that she is a vault. Stuff goes in and never comes out. It's locked and you can reveal your purest thoughts and feelings and there is no judgement.....well there's truth, but no judgement and the two things are very different.

I love that we share a macabre ability to laugh at stuff that is inappropriate and also sometimes not THAT funny to anyone else but we see the bentness of it all (I just made that word up and I like it).

They say (not sure THEY really are) that people come into your life for a reason and this week, I have two very beautiful reasons for touching base with people that were/are very important to me.

Now I don't intend to itemise all my friends, one by one, and discuss their merits because that's not what this blog is about. But this week has been very revelatory and these two friends were the paintbrushes that embellished my canvas.

I've had some crappy mates, as we all have, and they've played an integral part with my decision to keep most people at a distance. It's just really REALLY nice to have moments that remind you that there is a genuine quality with the people that you choose to bring in to your inner sanctum. 

I was reminded of that this week and it's filled my heart.

DAY CATCH UP: Big Consolidated Blog - Part 1

To say it's been busy is an understatement but it's been brilliant for the last few days/weeks. I've entered a photo competition to test the waters, try my luck, expand my horizons and what's eventuated from another courageous step has been blissfully wonderful!

Okay, I'd LOVE to win the competition - let's get that right out in the open and not hide behind some false facade of fake humility. But what has serendipitously emerged from this whole activity is the amount of unconditional support I've received from family and good friends. I'm totally amazed at how much love and encouragement is out there for me and that's being honest.

I've never thought to measure or test this because, well, who does? I've had the most humbling experience out of all this which has really changed my perception of who I am to other people. It's almost like I MATTER to you guys....I REALLY MATTER and what I do matters. Can't tell you how profoundly this has affected me.

So suddenly winning this competition hasn't become the singularly focal point of the whole exercise. To have made it into the Top 20? BLUDDY MARVELLOUS!! Someone else - a whole bunch of someone else's - think that what I can do and what I DO is good. It has potential.

So if I've doubted myself before, then this has confirmed that my endeavours to shed my old skin and step up to the plate, step out on the ledge, sit on the edge and jump IS the right decision for me. As lovely as winning will be, there are also some others wonderful, meaningful lessons to be learned and savoured from all this.

You guys are beautiful, beautiful people and I'm still standing here blinking quietly, still in the grace of the privilege of having all of you in my life in whatever shape and form you take.

Thank you!

DAYS 45 - 50 - Consolidated Blog for the long weekend

Okay, so I'm cheating a little but I've been away for these past few days and I downed electronic gadgets and contraptions (for the most part) so that I could give my whole self to the people I was spening time with. It's a gorgeous thing to walk away from all the gizmos, bells and whistling contraptions once in a while. It's recalibrating to get back to basics and rely on the art of verbal communication, one-on-one.

We went away camping with my cousins for this Labour Day long weekend. We haven't been camping together for quite a few years, with me anyway. Our respective lives became so busy with 'stuff' that setting aside time to get together around a campfire just hasn't come up. It's been 3 years since The Grampian camp. So we set off to Apollo Bay.

Some of the gang couldn't be there so this year was a different permutation of cousins et alia around the campfire, which adds to the familial soup, if you like. Different flavours always change the way the soup tastes, which is always good.

Having gadgets and gizmos like iPhones and Blackberrys and assorted whatnots are all well and good but there's something to be said about ditching it all for some good ole chinwagging around a campfire. We reminisce about our respective childhoods as we didn't grow up together, sadly. We laugh a LOT! We make each other laugh a LOT!

When we get to our destination, we usually set up a communal gathering place and pitch our tents around it. It's quite symbolic because, to me, our tents represent the outer shell of our lives that protects the inner us which we feel safe to reveal. It's a good place to be.

The nucleus are the cousins and we've now brought our partners and children into the foray. God, all those personalities congregated in one place makes for an interesting experience. We have the spotlight seekers, the introverts, the clowns, the intellects, the mothers, the saviours, the leaders, the followers, the nurses, the nurturers, the Master Chefs, the clueless, the focussed, the quiet, the noisy, the morning people, me (NOT much of a morning person) - some of us also belong to more than one of these categories.

To watch our ever-changing personalities slowly click together and sometimes clash is truly interesting. The group dynamics is so intricately laced with equal parts of love, laughter and acceptance to judgement, annoyance and irritation that it shows us up - individually - for all our human frailties and beauty all in the one package. But that we continue to love, despite and in spite of all these prickles and petals, is a beautiful thing to have in our lives at all.

It's a cacophony of noise and confusion and sounds and I guess that's not what you might picture camping to be all about but when you have a group of 18 or so, as if quietude and serenity is ever going to enter that picture. Get a grip!

We pool our food together and share a smorgasbord of breakfasts which ranges from bacon and eggs done on an open-air BBQ to pancakes and bacon and maple syrup, hot cross buns, cereal, cafe style raisin toast, you name it - it's dealt out hot and delicious to be consumed as a group. We make each other coffee and tea .....ummm, okay....I LET people make me coffee and tea.

We also share lunches made up of sandwiches made with love and "skin juice", wraps filled with deliciously sumptuous fillings like curried chicken mince and chilli beef (Debbie, you rock!!). Our dinners are a veritable cornucopia of gourmet food stuffs that gives everyone the chance to showcase their camping Master cheffery.

Finally, we gather around our campfire with bottles of red wine and port and regale ourselves stupid with stories and jokes until the man across the road comes over and tells us to keep the noise down.

Camping means different things to everyone. For some, it's the opportunity to get away and go back to basics. For others, it's a form of relaxation and change of pace from their normal workaday lives. For others yet again, it's whatever that canvas needs to be to spend time with people they like being with, doing something they wouldn't normally do, but they do it to be near them.

For me, camping is all of these things and more. I love coming home smelling of smoke and earth. I love spending time away from electricity. I love getting as close to nature as I'm comfortable getting and I love being with people who happen to be my friends but are also my family.

DAY 44: Silently and Quietly Reflective

You know, there are days when I don't have the desire to say anything ... I KNOOOW! I KNOOOWWW! You haven't seen or met me on those days? Pshaw.... Today is one of those days.

I have lots of thoughts ricocheting peacefully around the walls of my mind, looking for a home or just a warm nook to curl up in and I'm quite okay being alone with them today so if it's all the same to you, this is my entry for today.

Today is a recalibrating day. A day where I rejuvenate and don't exude as much vibrant energy. It doesn't mean I'm unhappy. It means I'm operating internally and filing thoughts, tidying up the paperwork in my mind. I'm actually very happy and content, just quiet and reflective.

it would be easy to presume that I have nothing to say but that's quite the opposite. I have heaps to say but, some days, it's not about giving and putting it all out there.

On some days, it's good to keep a little something inside, chew it up, dissect it, think about it, shelve it, bring it back off the shelf, chew it some more, leave it on the coffee table and then pack it away.

DAY 43: Change

"When a big change occurs in your life it forces you to change direction. Sometimes the new path may not be easy, but you can be absolutely certain that there is magnificence for you on the new path. You can be absolutely certain that the new path contains things that you could not have experienced otherwise.

 

When we look back at a negative event that occurred in the past, we often see how in fact it transformed our life. We see how that event directed us toward a life that we would not change for anything." Rhonda Byrne.

 

Isn't this the most apt message to have turned up in my email today? It's like there's this force out there urging me forward and onward and whatever this force is.....even if it IS Ookie Spookie, I'm grateful for your presence regardless of whether I created you in the first place......or created the scenario for you to make your presence known.......or the canvas for you to display your paint, whatever it is......

 

Thank you for being here and giving me that backbone to take that first step.... it has led to the next step and the next step and now I find myself learning to walk.

 

I look forward to tomorrow with enthusiasm, with eagerness, with anticipation. What's happening tomorrow?

 

I DON'T KNOW!!! And that's exactly it...... Good things KEEP happening to the point where it feels like I'm opening birthday presents on Christmas Day, every day.......

 

 

DAY 42: Finding my Eudaimonic Self

"Picture happiness. What do you see? A peaceful soul sitting in a field of daisies appreciating the moment? That kind of passive, pleasure-oriented—hedonic—contentment is definitely a component of overall happiness. But researchers now believe that eudaimonic well-being may be more important.

Cobbled from the Greek eu ("good") and daimon ("spirit" or "deity"), eudaimonia means striving toward excellence based on one's unique talents and potential—Aristotle considered it to be the noblest goal in life. In his time, the Greeks believed that each child was blessed at birth with a personal daimon embodying the highest possible expression of his or her nature.

One way they envisioned the daimon was as a golden figurine that would be revealed by cracking away an outer layer of cheap pottery (the person's baser exterior). The effort to know and realize one's most golden self—"personal growth," in today's lingo—is now the central concept of eudaimonia, which has also come to include continually taking on new challenges and fulfilling one's sense of purpose in life." Gabrielle Leblanc, writer and neuroscientist in Washington, D.C.

Strange that this article found its way to me because this is precisely what I am attempting with my life - striving to do my very best with the skill that I have. Too often we live our lives conservatively and safely because that's the only path that we know........and I'm not saying we should always live life out on the ledge of danger but having one skill go by because of immaturity and fear, I'm not prepared to let this one go so a little time out on the ledge is going to be GREAT for me.

When I was a teenager, I had a literary skill/talent. Of course age and immaturity distracted me and I didn't realise that this was a skill or talent that I could have made my career. I should have become a journalist. I know this now. However, teenage life distracted me and I never really gained it back again. Now, some folks say it's never too late but some things, like a career in journalism, is a young person's game and I let that boat sail away, sadly. The positive side is that I've had a genuinely fantastic life so only very minimal regrets.

BUT...*pointy finger up in the air*....The Universe has generously given me a second chance to explore and do with my photography. This is a skill I've uncovered over the last few years and now, with the valuable gift of maturity having been firmly ensconced upon my wobbly little head, I have a strong and undeniable urge to make the most of a newly discovered skill. Although still in it's developing stage, it's a calling from within. On occasion, if you listen carefully enough, you may hear it as a low whisper but, inside me, it's a thundering roar that I can't ignore!! How lucky do I feel that I have found something else that I can be good at?

Without sounding like I'm having a religious experience, I am TRULY grateful for this opportunity because it feels like I'm on a new ride in Luna Park that no-one else has tried yet. It feels new and adventurous and pioneering and, in a way, it is that for me.

DAY 41: Freedom means never HAVING to ask for permission

One of the most beautiful things about my relationship (marriage) with Gee (Grant) is the amount of personal freedom I have. Freedom means never HAVING to ask for permission......although being courteously considerate does play a huge part in it.

Gee knows that a large part of my personality requires a lot of space and freedom to come and go as I need. I'd like to say that Grant gives me that freedom but freedom, by it's very meaning, isn't something you give although it CAN be taken away.

Freedom just is.

I've hardly been home in the last week and, for the most part, Gee knows where I've been. The few times he didn't know was because he had forgotten. However, he doesn't nag me, he doesn't hound me, or follow me or check up on me - it's another luxury I have and that is  his TRUST.

I had some spare time today, while I was out, and so I decided to pop in to my sister's place. What ensued was a gorgeously impromptu and spontaneous photo shoot which I've been dying to do for ages and ages. On the drive home, I realised that if I didn't have this sort of freedom, this beautiful event would never have had the opportunity to happen.

DAY 40: Photographing Children

  You know, as my own kids have grown up and become adults, I do have to admit to missing having that sweet little being that would look up at you and say "A-Mummy do, peeeeeze??" Okay, that was only Adam because Alex was so independent that she would have preferred to have birthed herself if that was an option to her.

This last year has had me watching young families in the street, on the train, in the shopping centre, anywhere with a certain amount of jealousy. I don't want anymore of my own because I really have been blessed with the two that I've got. Sure, there have been difficult times when there were tears, hissy fits, tantrums (and that was just me) but there have also been the beautiful tender moments, too.

My Universe, being what it's turning out to be, has provided me with the PERFECT answer. Photographing children......serendipity in action. I am surrounded by little children as most of our friends have started creating and expanding their families.

Not only do I get to interract with these beautiful little souls for a short period of time, but I get to capture their innocence at a time when it is so beautifully tangible. I also get to hand them back to their parents a la grandparent style which makes it even sweeter!!

I have thoroughly enjoyed opening up this part of my heart again and sitting on a play mat, engaging with innocence and purity. Little children are so accepting and loving, unconditionally. 

With my new venture, I am so very very fortunate. I get to have allll the good stuff. I get to play and be silly and laugh for no reason. I get to chase butterflies and talk silly and just be childish and free. HOW LIBERATING!!

Before and after

DAY 38:The Difference Between a G-string and a Wedgie

I'm revealing something of my personal underclothing - I dislike G-strings! They are uncomfortable for women like me who have a more-than-ample derriere. Let's be brutally honest, they look really bad on butts that aren't young and trim and taut.

So...............why do women with young, trim and taut butts eternally pull and tug at undies that have a penchant for playing hide-and-seek when they go out of their way buying and wearing G-strings.

Me? If I were to wear a G-string, I'd also have to wear the accompanying 30cm ruler across it - visualise this, go on, visualise....to stop it from going anywhere near my butt. I have tried the G.....and I spent the whole day doing a very unfeminine search and rescue - not comfy one bit.

When I get a wedgie, I personalise it. I discuss the finer points (with my underwear) of preferring the snuggling up into the nether parts - on a volunteer basis - to remaining outside, where the air is fresh and clean and there is a keener sense of freedom. My logic is that if you keep crawling up there, you can stay there until you learn to get yourself back out. You know the risks and the consequences but still, you go. I'm not gonna keep coming in there after you, like a ball bobbing up and down at the deep end of the pool. It's sink or swim, buster!

 

From where I sit, there's not much difference to wearing a g-string and tolerating a wedgie all day. I simply cannot tolerate a wedgie all day. It is universally known as being uncomfortable yet wearing a g-string of your own volition has another interpretation, doesn't it?

 

I have never known anyone to feel aroused when I've said "Gawd, I've got a massive wedgie". It just doesn't seem to have that connotation attached to it.

"I'm going to Myer to buy underwear that is going to intentionally crawl up my butt""......................does it do much for you????? Doesn't do much for me.

 

So where is the change in perception? Is it the wearer of the g-string/wedgie? Does a g-string look just as sexy as a wedgie on a lovely taut butt?

 

Why not just call the g-string....the 'wedgie'???

 

Why don't advertisers sprawl on the packaging of undies "Guaranteed to creep up your bum during the day. If wearer does not retrieve or attempt to retrieve at least 4 times day, money back is guaranteed"?

 

I don't understand the g-string. I don't understand the desire to wear anything intimately that feels like someone's got a finger up your butt all day.

 

Maybe it should be marketed to men over 50 to get them used to the feeling? Just a suggestion.

DAY 37: Autumn

Photo by me

It's autumn!! I love LOVE Love lOVE autumn!! Not exactly sure where Summer went this year or if it ever arrived to be truthful but, nonetheless, it's now officially autumn, which is my favourite season of the year.

Autumn signifies change to me and, after all, isn't that what I am attempting right now? Changing my life not just for the better but for THE VERY BEST! It symbolises the end of a season but prepares to herald the beginning of a new one, a different one.

I've always loved that fresh crispness in the air and the turning of the leaves. Autumn means freshly baked bread and warming home-made soups, fireplaces and furry rugs without having the bitey cold of winter. It means beautiful thick chunky jumpers and long walks in the hills nearby. Calm serene lakes reflecting orange, brown and dark purple leaves in trees that seem almost joyous to be changing their bright summer wardrobe for newer soothing colours of gold and mellow yellows.....

Autumn let sme know that is IS genuinely fantastic to be alive!!

DAY 39: Amanda

You know what's made me happy today? I've had a confirmation that I'm on the right path.

I recently met Amanda through a good friend of mine, Alison. Amanda is also a photographer whose work I admire tremendously. So I approached her about spending some time with her to learn from her etc and she said YES!

After a shoot yesterday, we got chatting and one thing led to another and I found out Amanda had a connection with the Yarra Valley - she used to live in one of the towns there. Can you imagine the look of absolute shock on my face when I told her where I used to live and she said that her grandfather built that very house and lived in it????? The same house where my ex and I lived for 8 years? Where my children grew up and still have an attachment to?? THAT house was built by her grandfather??? She described the interior to within a centimetre and I was gobsmacked into silence. I can't tell you the impact that had on me.

Now what are the chances that out of alllll the plethora of choices of photographers in Melbourne and Victoria, I met Amanda and there's a connection that surpasses coincidence?

Is this coincidental? I don't think so.....this is kismet. It was meant to be, like all the stars in the Universe aligned so that the two of us could meet, like we were meant to meet?

So, we have been chatting and swapping stories and I met Amanda's Mum this evening. What a delightfully warm and loving woman who I immediately felt comfortable and safe with and what a night of revelations it was.

Turns out that Amanda and I have a lot more in common that I would have imagined and I firmly believe that she was meant to be in my life.

I don't normally believe in all this stuff but maybe it's time for a rethink because, whether I like it or not, things like this keep happening to me recently and all because I made a conscientious decision to be true to myself and follow my special purpose to wherever it may lead. One life....

It's almost like, because I chose to put the key in the door and open it, it is now leading me in an entirely different direction and destination to where I have been heading. Almost like this is where I've always meant to be heading.

Does that make sense? I have this overwhelming feeling, inside, of eventual discovery, of rightness, like a magnetic pull that's whispering ever so silently that only I can hear it say "Thisssss waaaaaaay, your gut feeling is right".....like this is where I've always meant to be heading.

Can't tell you how happy this makes me feel. I cannot begin to describe this feeling of OH-MY-GOODNESS!!!

DAY 36: Top 10 Tips to increase happiness in your life

I read this today and wanted to share it because it is uplifting. As schmucky as this sounds, these tips really are useful and poignant:

1.      Decide to be a happy person!! As Lincoln observed, most people, most of the time, can choose how  stressed or happy, how troubled or relaxed they want to be. Choose to be happy.

2.      Watch and Read less news. As a recovering news addict, I know this can be difficult because the stock market fluctuates, politicians politic, and sports teams compete. But, most of the time, you don't need the stress. So, just don't watch. I think it was Henry Thoreau who noted that if you've ever read about a train wreck, you understand the principle and don't need to know any more about it.

3.      Practice the Attitude of Gratitude. We all have so much to be grateful for. Just thanking the many people who assist us, encourage us, teach us and open doors for us could take all day!

4.      Take Time. My dog has taught me much about loyalty, about noticing the sights, sounds, and smells in the yard, about being relaxed and about play. Eat when you're hungry, nap when you need it. Get your ears scratched whenever possible!

5.      Laugh everyday. Hear a joke, tell a joke, laugh at yourself, laugh with your friends and family and co-workers. There are very few medicines as powerful as laughter, and I don't think you can over-dose, although it is addicting!

6.      Love well. Express your affection, appreciation, friendship and warmth to those around you, and they will almost always respond in the most amazing ways! Be generous...it pays great dividends!

7.      Work hard. This one comes as a bit of a surprise, but there is tremendous satisfaction in being competent, and joy in completing our assigned tasks. One of the great sources of happiness is to do work that is worthy of you, and to do it well.

8.      Learn something new, everyday. To be happy, most of us must also be growing, expanding, learning and challenging ourselves. Read, listen, adapt and stretch to accommodate new ideas and new information.

9.      Use your body as it was designed. Walk and run, stretch, throw things, and lift things. Dance! Exercise is good, but so is making love, mixing up a batch of cookies, or exchanging backrubs. You have a body and it can be either a source of joy, or a source of aches and pains. Your choice.

10.  Avoid toxins. I prefer writing positives (things to do) rather than negatives (things to fear), but reality says there are negative people and there are bad chemicals, stressful noises, and unsafe places. Don't go there! Avoid poisons whenever possible. It seems to work out better that way.