If I had a penis, even just for one day, the top 3 things I'd do is:
- Paint it so that it looked like a green caterpillar. That way, whenever it had one of those crazy impromptu movements, it would look like my caterpillar was crawling.
- Bury myself in the forest and leave it out so it looked like a wild mushroom and see if anyone would try to pick it.
- Wee while trying to whizz it around in circles. I'd recommend not standing too near by when I attempt this.
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